April 23, 2009
I'm in a strange old space at the moment. Not a lot of blogging, but I don't apologise. I feel as if no one's reading (the old radio trick of feeling like you're talking to yourself) and frankly, I've lost a bit of interest in what I have to say. No point talking to yourself when you're not even interested!
This autumn I've struggled against burn out. I know I need to break free of the burn out cycle, but like many people, I believe I can do everything in the time that's available. I think I'm capable of getting everything -- and I do mean everything -- out of every day, and I'm confused and baffled when it doesn't happen. Even more so when illness comes along to force me to stop and rest.
Why write about it? Well, sometimes speaking our demons is vanquishing them. Naming names to take away the sting. Sometimes I need to recognise that the only thing that stops me from being happy is me. Looking in the mirror and worrying whether or not I am happy.
I may take a break from posting here, or I may not. I do want to feel that I am not 'letting myself down' if I do. If I'm not here, I'm just away, sitting in the sunshine, looking at the sparkles, counting the warm fur on my dog's neck, and loving the green of the grass.
I've just realised that I need to do this one thing: to go slow for a while.