April 23, 2009

Seeking peace

I'm in a strange old space at the moment. Not a lot of blogging, but I don't apologise. I feel as if no one's reading (the old radio trick of feeling like you're talking to yourself) and frankly, I've lost a bit of interest in what I have to say. No point talking to yourself when you're not even interested!

This autumn I've struggled against burn out. I know I need to break free of the burn out cycle, but like many people, I believe I can do everything in the time that's available. I think I'm capable of getting everything -- and I do mean everything -- out of every day, and I'm confused and baffled when it doesn't happen. Even more so when illness comes along to force me to stop and rest.

Why write about it? Well, sometimes speaking our demons is vanquishing them. Naming names to take away the sting. Sometimes I need to recognise that the only thing that stops me from being happy is me. Looking in the mirror and worrying whether or not I am happy.

I may take a break from posting here, or I may not. I do want to feel that I am not 'letting myself down' if I do. If I'm not here, I'm just away, sitting in the sunshine, looking at the sparkles, counting the warm fur on my dog's neck, and loving the green of the grass.

I've just realised that I need to do this one thing: to go slow for a while.


lily boot said...

I'm so sorry to hear that things are not going well for you at the moment. I know that feeling. Lots of what you write really resonated with me tonight. And I am a big believer in doing what you can, and then, when things are a bit brighter, baby steps. I felt really great yesterday - there were two things I had promised to do for two people - and I did both - it was very satisfying. But I couldn't have done it even one month ago. p.s. I love your designs for spoonflower - lucky you ordering some fabric! The teapot fabric would be lovely as a picnic bag. Sending you warm wishes. :-)

lily boot said...

and on another note - I've frequently wanted to pull the plug on my blog and I'm so glad I haven't because it is a wonderfully visual journal or diary of our lives. I'm not the Austen type to sit at my desk each day and fill pages in a book. No one writes me long letters, or collects mine - so my silly old blog will be a source of lots of laughter and memories in years to come. :-) It doesn't have to be for anyone else - we're valuable enough to record our thoughts and hopes and creativity without having to have someone else notice. I'll hop off my soapbox now :-)

Joanne said...

There must be something in the air- life is a rough patch for a lot of people I know right now, myself included.
I'm reading! I don't always comment because I don't like to be the one who always has something to say!! And I'm 4 days behind in blog reading, due to my son's ongoing health problem.
Some people have that little "Blogging without Obligation" button on their blogs and I like the concept. You don't 'owe' us anything. If you don't feel like posting, don't. Guarantee if you took a month off, your eventual post would be commented on by everyone saying they missed you!
Take care of yourself; taking it slow is a great idea if you can.

willywagtail said...

I suffer from depression though I am cheerful about so often people think I should work as hard as they do. If you have burnt out then the path to recovery will be long and slow. You need to accept that right now you are number 1 and no one else matters. I'm with Joanne. Blogging is for you, you owe no one anything. Actually I see your name mentioned quite often through blogland so please don't think you are insignificant. Just don't be obligated. Cherrie

Michelle said...

I hope you'll be OK. Take it slow. Take time out. It works for me. Take a totally radical turn - that can work too! Sometimes a sharp left turn is all it takes to get the spark back.


Ellieboo said...

I have read all the other comments and totally agree - your blog is for you and you should write when you want to, about what you want to and feel no obligation. I have been feeling very similar to you of late (as you know) and have considered abandoning my blog because I just cant keep on top of it due to illness but you know what I will leave it right there and come back when Im ready.

I have been reading your blog regular but have not been commenting - I have not been commenting anywhere very much due to my low energy but I still visit - so dont think you are alone - i think lots of people read but dont comment for one reason or another.

I also wanted to say thank you for the gorgeous email you sent me - it lifted my spirits somewhat this morning when I received it (mmmm mashed potato) - I am thinking of those roses and I hope you are too.

Take care and we will still be here.

cath said...

i have to jump on the commenting wagon because i am here!! i read you all the time ... i just don't want you to get sick of hearing from me (as you may recall, i am a chatty person - "ckat - 220 on your am dial: radio meow broadcasting insanity" was how you labeled it ...) (smiles) ... i love your pics (photogs and sketches), your adorable way of turning a phrase, and getting a glimpse into the world you now inhabit ...

as for the other - i am in touch and thank you for putting it into words ... there is a definite malaise going on here, too (weather induced, no doubt). but your statement: "I think I'm capable of getting everything -- and I do mean everything -- out of every day, and I'm confused and baffled when it doesn't happen." ... oh how that hits the nail on the head!!!

this is quote i just put up by my desk TODAY, of all days!!

"We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are." — Marjorie Pay Hinckley

i will miss you if you take a break, but it will give me something to look forward to when you return!!

Leonie said...

No matter the space between posts, if you post I will read. If you don't have one and want to know if people are stopping by, you can add a hit counter some are even not visible to visitors.. Then you know people are coming past even if they don't stop to comment.
Do what you need to do to feel stable in your world.

Tinniegirl said...

Time is my greatest enemy when I get in that weird place. I feel like I never have enough of it for what I want/need to accomplish and I become quite panicked about running out of time. I've been learning recently that when those feelings arrive its time to stop, put the list/plan aside and live more spontaneously and in the moment.

Your mojo will be back.

I think it's the arrival of Autumn too. It seems to have brought some weird energy with it this year.


handmaiden said...

i am all for slowing down and i think u would be surprised at how many people read but dont comment...me included, there's just not enough time in the day for everything...take care until next time i see u

Nikki said...

I know that feeling, too... and a big GO SLOW is sometimes the tonic. Enjoy the smell of the roses and the way the clouds make interesting shapes in the sky... and blog when you WANT to.

I'll always read what you write and love seeing your sketches, too. YOu're one of the shining stars in my Bloglines.

BTW - word verification is "IN GOA" ... perhaps it's a sign that you (or I) need a holiday in India...? ;)

Taccolina said...

Holy cow, kids. Thanks. Serious thanks. I've had a huge big hug from those comments, and it helps to know how many others feel the same way
(I caught up on some blog reading yesterday and can see many of us are fighting this grey cloud, too. Perhaps it's just autumn).


potty mouth mama said...

I hope you're feeling somewhat cheered by the above comments.

I've been thinking of you lately, and wondering what you've been drawing - I always love your beautiful illustrations. I hope you have a nice, schlompy weekend, taking everything nice and slowly. I love to take a break from my blog, otherwise I just feel stressed by it. Take a step back and enjoy the quiet of your mind, buy yourself a bunch of flowers, bake something you love, watch an uplifting film, and surround yourself with people that make you feel good and strong. I'm here, I've just been ever so crummy with my commenting, I'm listening. x

Liesl (Hoppo Bumpo) said...

I was smiling wryly and nodding as I read this ... I think we all know that feeling of burn out. Perhaps its seasonal? I'm hardly writing or reading just now. It wasn't til I saw the date on this post that I realised that I hadn't read Taccolina - one of my very favourite blogs - for well over a week.

Creativity, inspiration and motivation ebb and flow. Take good care of yourself. Rest, get well, recharge. Then just blog when it suits you again. Your readers will still be here to enjoy your beautiful craft, sketches, photography and words ... when you are ready.

Liesl x