September 12, 2009

Kinda good, kinda bad...

... kinda happy, kinda sad.


Up until my last post, you'd be forgiven for thinking we were still away in North America. There's been a period of silence around here: not much blogging, even less drawing, and no writing at all. Shortly after we came home from our wonderful trip, we were thrown for a loop on life's rollercoaster, and over the course of ten sad days we said goodbye to a grandmother who was very dear to us both.

It's been a couple of weeks, but time contracts and extends. It flexes and coils, so that sometimes you are crawling through each day and other times you find yourself thinking it was only yesterday, I was there, holding her hand. Enjoying the flowers together. Or snorting with glee about the latest crazy fashions and sewing patterns, and just talking 'girl stuff'.

Some families pull together for the mourning process: others don't. We've had a couple of weeks in full riot-gear and the fun never stops. I'm old enough to realise that just one or two individuals can spread toxic poison, that you can't hide from all of the tricky people in your orbit and you need to draw in and look after your own. With the bombs flying, there's been no time for words or grief, or for memories and sad joy that we had a good friendship. And that, my friends, makes even pacifists like me just a little bit angry.

I hope we turned the corner this week. We're looking forward and thinking of good things. We love each other and will protect each other. Some of our family is fantastic and I give thanks for them every day. But I'm tired, and there are no words and the drawings are few and tentative. We need good soil, gentle breezes, sunshine and soft rain to grow again.

5 comments:

Joanne said...

Firstly, my sincere sympathy to you and yours. I lost a grandmother earlier in the year and though we didn't have as close a relationship as you seem to have had with yours, it was still a sad time, the loss of a living generation from our family tree.
Its awful that you then have to go through family trauma. Tradgedy doesn't always bring out the best in people, does it?
Wishing you all the sunshine and gentle breezes and a heart made peaceful again.
Joanne.

Jacqui said...

I'm sorry to read this post - I was very close to my grandma and remember clearly how it felt when she died and the time of grief afterwards. It never really goes away. I hope things soften and become easier to bear. When you feel like it, don't forget to send me your address as I've had your consolation prize giveaway sitting on the sideboard for a while now. Take care, Jacqui

Leonie said...

So sorry for your loss. Grandma's are special and their passing can have quite a profound effect. Wishing you sunshine and happiness to light your days and warm your heart.

cath said...

bev - sympathy for your losses. not just of a loved one, but of trust and safety in others. very grateful to hear you and mr. tacc are there for each other. hugs & love headed your way ...

lisette said...

hmm nothing more toxic than toxic family and grief sharpens that. sending you soft sunshine...